This week

This week has sucked.  It has sucked really, really bad.  I spent a lot of time this week asking myself why.  Searching, pleading for some profound answer.   I wanted to come to some understanding as to why.  I find myself back in very farmiliar territorry.  I cannot tell you how many hours I have been spent with this question the past 3 plus years.

Everything happens for a reason is something that I have spent most of my life believing.   3 1/2 years ago that went out the window.  There is no reason for some things that happen in our lives and in the peoples lives we love.  There is no reason.  What comes from an event is not the reason for the event in the first place.  What comes from an event is what a person or people choose to do with the circumstances that they have been given.  When I hear someone say everything happens for a reason or that only makes you stronger, I want to punch them.  After I get over the act of violence I realize that this person is lucky that they think that.  It is easier to think that.  I have felt at peace for the past 6 months or so about my realization that there is no why and there is no sense to be made and here I am returning to this place of question.  There is no why, there is no reason, sometimes there is just heartache and pain.  With tears, so many tears.

I am glad that this week is over.  Not that it changes anything that has happened or makes anything better but it means we are on to next week and next week the girls and I are coming home for a short visit.  I wish that Tom could be coming with us but he will be in the sunshine with friends playing golf, poker, and although he would never admit, having a much needed break from me :).   There are no pics from this week.  Nothing with our mood that was worth sharing.  But with our upcoming trip to Seattle, we will have lots of pics to share.  I can't wait to see our parents, all of our siblings, and give big hugs to my niece and nephews.